Social anxiety goes beyond just shyness – it’s an overwhelming fear of being judged, criticized, or embarrassed in social situations. For many of us, this anxiety can be debilitating, making it difficult to participate in everyday activities like meeting new people, attending classes, speaking up at work, or even sending messages online. As you might expect, some of us come to experience intense self-consciousness, leading to avoidance behaviors that reinforce a thorny cycle of anxiety.
Affecting about 12% of U.S. adults at some point in their lives, social anxiety is common (National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 2024). It is also highly treatable. Societal expectations, stigma around mental health, and the challenges of modern life might make it hard for us to acknowledge and seek help for social anxiety. But with the right tools, we can break free from constant worry and build more meaningful connections.
Let’s explore.
The Stigma Around Social Anxiety
Despite growing awareness of mental health, stigma remains a significant barrier for many individuals dealing with social anxiety. Society tends to reward outgoing, confident personalities, leading those of us who struggle with social situations to feel ashamed or inadequate. This stigma can come in subtle forms:
- Internalized stigma: We may feel that we are “weak” for having anxiety or believe that our struggles make us less worthy.
- External stigma: Friends, family, or peers might dismiss our anxiety as mere shyness, saying things like, “Just get over it” or “Everyone feels awkward sometimes.”
Young men, in particular, may find it difficult to admit their social anxiety because it conflicts with societal norms around masculinity that expect men to be assertive, outgoing, and emotionally controlled. Similarly, social media reinforces the idea that everyone else seems to be having a great time, leaving those with social anxiety to feel isolated and “different.” The fear of judgment can keep individuals from opening up, creating a vicious cycle of silence and avoidance.
Challenges Stemming from Social Anxiety
Unsurprisingly, avoidance from social anxiety can affect multiple areas of life, leading to missed opportunities and decreased well-being. Here are some of the common challenges young adults face:
- Academic Challenges: Participating in group discussions, making presentations, or asking for help from teachers can feel overwhelming, leading to poor academic performance or missed opportunities.
- Social Isolation: Individuals with social anxiety often avoid social gatherings, leading to fewer friendships and a diminished support system. The loneliness that follows can worsen anxiety and lead to depression.
- Difficulty Building Romantic Relationships: Dating can be especially stressful for those with social anxiety. Fear of rejection or judgment may prevent us from initiating relationships, leaving us feeling disconnected or frustrated.
- Career Impacts: Social anxiety can also influence career development, as job interviews, networking, and team collaborations require social skills that feel intimidating.
- Fear of Social Media Interaction: While social media can help some of us feel connected, others may feel anxious about posting or interacting online, worrying that we’ll say something embarrassing or receive negative feedback.
These challenges create a cycle where avoidance behavior reinforces anxiety. For example, avoiding social interactions might provide short-term relief but strengthens the belief that social situations are dangerous, making it even harder to face them in the future. In other words, we’re building the wrong muscles!
So what are we to do about it?
A Gold-standard Approach for Tackling Social Anxiety
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for social anxiety. It focuses on identifying negative thoughts and changing unhelpful behaviors. Here are some ways CBT can help:
Challenging Negative Thoughts:
People with social anxiety often experience cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing (“Everyone will think I’m stupid”) or mind-reading (“They must think I’m boring”). In CBT, we work to identify and challenge these distorted thoughts, replacing them with more realistic ones.
Example: Instead of thinking, “Everyone will judge me if I mess up,” you learn to think, “It’s okay if I make a mistake—most people probably won’t even notice.”
Exposure Therapy:
Exposure therapy is a CBT technique that involves gradually facing feared social situations in a controlled way. By repeatedly exposing yourself to situations that trigger anxiety, you learn that these situations are not as dangerous as initially feared. If this aspect of treatment sounds, well, anxiety inducing, you’re not alone. For many, this is the most challenging part of addressing their social anxiety because it requires confronting fears head-on – something you may have made a lifestyle of avoiding! This step is taken slowly to limit the likelihood of becoming overwhelmed and to incrementally build confidence.
Example: A person might start with small exposures, like saying hello to a stranger, and gradually work up to attending a larger event.
Behavioral Experiments:
CBT uses behavioral experiments to test the validity of anxious thoughts. For example, if you believe that you’ll embarrass yourself if you speak up in class, you may be encouraged to try it once and observe what actually happens. These experiments help you gather evidence that contradicts your fears.
Building Social Skills:
Social anxiety often causes you to avoid social interactions, leading to underdeveloped social skills. CBT can help you practice communication skills in a safe environment, boosting your confidence and improving your interactions.
Summing It Up
Social anxiety can be a major obstacle in life, but it is treatable with the right strategies and support. CBT offers powerful tools to help you confront your fears, change unhelpful thought patterns, and live in alignment with your values. By breaking the cycle of avoidance and facing anxiety head-on, you can build confidence and create meaningful connections.
It’s important to remember that seeking help for social anxiety is not a sign of weakness—it’s a strong step toward better mental health. Whether through therapy, self-help resources, or supportive conversations with loved ones, you can learn to manage social anxiety and lead a more fulfilling life. The key is to take small steps forward and remember that progress takes time. Don’t forget: You are not alone, and help is available.
