The postpartum period is a significant life transition, and as such can be incredibly challenging. As many as 1 in 5 women experience a mood or anxiety disorder during pregnancy and/or the first year postpartum (Howard et al., 2014). Additionally, the postpartum period affects the whole family, not just the birthing person. Evidence shows that when mothers experience postpartum depression, between 24-50% of their partners also experience depression (Goodman, 2004). Fathers often report increased struggles with supporting both their partner’s needs and their own, leading to feelings of isolation and overwhelm for both parents.
As a father, you must balance supporting your partner and taking care of yourself. I previously wrote about ways to support your partner during this transition, and now I want to delve deeper into how you can support yourself as a new parent. You can check out the previous article here.
The first recommendation is to pay attention to yourself. During this transition, it’s easy to focus entirely on your partner or your new child, which can lead to disconnection from your own needs and bodily signals. Notice any emotional fluctuations you are experiencing, such as increased irritability, low motivation, decreased desire to interact with others, or a desire to isolate. You may also feel physical symptoms such as exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, or muscle aches. These can all be signs that you are “white-knuckling” through this period and could use some reprieve.
It does not make you a bad father to take care of your own needs. Without meeting your own needs, even minimally, you cannot show up and be the parent and partner you want to be. The first priority should be your physical needs, such as sleep, food, and exercise. Do your best to take care of your body, while acknowledging that it won’t be perfect. Sleep is often impacted with a newborn, and a quick nap during the day can be invaluable.
As you get better at ensuring your physical needs are met, pay attention to your emotional needs. What does self-care look like for you? You may want one-on-one time with your baby to strengthen your bond, while also needing some alone time to recover and recharge. Quality time together as a family and using your own coping skills are both important. Pay attention to the balance. Talk to your partner and plan your self-care activities and time together. Don’t rely on spontaneously having time, because with a newborn, unless you plan it, it probably won’t happen. You and your partner need to be intentional throughout this process, rather than relying on chance.
During the transition to fatherhood (or even in preparation for it), it’s always okay to seek out and ask for help. This is one of the biggest life events you will experience, and you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to family and friends and take advantage of your existing support network. Consider new resources such as support groups or individual therapy. You do not have to go through this alone, and additional support will help you be the best father you can be.
References
Goodman, J. H. (2004). Paternal postpartum depression, its relationship to maternal postpartum depression, and implications for family health. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 45(1), 26–35.
Howard, L. M., Molyneaux, E., Dennis, C.-L., Rochat, T., Stein, A., & Milgrom, J. (2014). Non-psychotic mental disorders in the perinatal period. The Lancet, 384(9956), 1775–1788. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(14)61276
