When it comes to conversations about infertility, men often remain in the shadows. The fertility conversation often defaults to women, making it easy to assume infertility is a “women’s issue.” That’s a misconception – male-factor infertility is a significant part of the equation, despite it lacking the attention it deserves. While male infertility isn’t exactly a dinner table topic, it’s something we should be talking about more openly. Let’s start here. In this post, we’ll explore the prevalence of male-factor infertility, the emotional toll it can take on men, and what can be done about it.
The Stats: Guys, Male Infertility Isn’t Rare
Let’s bust a myth right off the bat: infertility isn’t just a female issue. About 12-15% of couples in the U.S. struggle with infertility after one year of trying (National Institutes of Health (NIH), 2024), and male-factor infertility contributes to between 30-60% of those cases (NIH, 2024). That’s right—up to roughly two-thirds! In fact, male infertility is the sole cause in up to an estimated one-third of cases (NIH, 2024).
The culprits? Usually, sperm. Whether it’s low sperm count, poor motility (sluggish swimmers), or abnormal morphology (misshapen swimmers), issues with sperm health are at the heart of male-factor infertility. Other factors, like hormonal imbalances, blockages, or genetic conditions, can also play a role.
And here’s the kicker: many men don’t even know they might have a fertility issue until they start trying to conceive. Unlike a burnt out light bulb or a bad car battery, there aren’t always obvious warning signs.
The Emotional Toll: What Male Infertility Feels Like
For many men, infertility triggers a cascade of emotions, including:
- Shame: There’s often a sense of personal failure, as if being unable to conceive is a reflection of one’s masculinity. (Spoiler: it’s not.)
- Frustration: Infertility, with its medical complexities and uncontrollable factors, can feel like a problem with no solution. This can lead to feeling without control over the situation and lead to frustration or other sticky emotions.
- Guilt: When infertility is attributed to male factors, it’s common for men to feel like they’re letting down their partner or delaying their family’s future.
- Isolation: Since male infertility isn’t widely discussed, many men feel alone in their struggles.
- Grief: For some, infertility may involve real or or perceived loss and all the anguish that comes with it.
And let’s not forget the awkwardness of discussing semen analysis results. (“My motility is what now? Is that good?”) Fertility clinics aren’t exactly built for comfort, either…unless you find fluorescent lighting and sterile cups particularly homey. This can further the feelings of discontent throughout the process.
What to Do About the Emotional Impact
Now that we’ve acknowledged the emotional toll, let’s talk about what to do about it. Because wallowing in silence isn’t the move, fellas.
1. Start Talking About It
This is the hardest step but also the most important. Talk to your partner. Talk to your doctor. Talk to a therapist. Talk to a friend if you feel comfortable. The stigma around male infertility won’t go away until men start opening up.
Remember, infertility is a shared challenge. It’s not “your problem” or “their problem.” It’s a team effort to navigate this rollercoaster, and being honest about your feelings is key. One thing is for sure: sitting on your feelings may or may not make things worse, but it certainly will not make things better.
2. Reframe Masculinity
Let’s challenge the outdated notion that fertility equals masculinity. A man isn’t defined by the quality of his sperm—just like he isn’t defined by the size of his biceps or how far he can throw a ball!
True masculinity is about showing up, being vulnerable, and facing challenges head-on. Owning your fertility journey isn’t weak—it’s brave. And if that means a few doctor visits and awkward conversations, so be it. Stigma around masculinity and men’s mental health is important to be aware of and infertility falls neatly under that umbrella. If you want to think more about men and mental health stigma, check out my article: Men’s Mental Health: ‘Man Up’ Is Not The Answer.
3. Seek Professional Support
Sometimes, talking to a therapist or counselor can work wonders. Infertility can put a strain on your mental health and your relationship(s), so don’t be afraid to ask for help. Therapists who specialize in infertility are particularly helpful – we have many here at Wildflower! – as they understand these unique emotional challenges and can offer tools for coping.
4. Keep Perspective
It’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of the moment, but try to keep the bigger picture in mind. Infertility is a challenge, yes, but it doesn’t define your worth or your future. There are treatments and other options to chart a path forward—be it through medical interventions, adoption, or other routes—and the journey doesn’t have to be faced alone.
5. Laugh About It (If and When You’re Ready)
Humor might feel impossible when you’re in the thick of it, but sometimes, finding levity can be healing. Fertility struggles are absurd at times—between collecting samples, decoding medical jargon, and navigating unsolicited advice, there’s no shortage of awkward moments. Embrace the absurdity. Laughter doesn’t diminish the seriousness of your journey; it makes it bearable.
The Takeaway
Male-factor infertility is far more common than most people realize, but the silence around it makes it feel isolating. It doesn’t have to be. Infertility isn’t a reflection of your masculinity, and addressing it isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to your strength and commitment to your future family.
So, to all the men out there facing infertility: You’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this in silence. Talk about it. Advocate for yourself. Seek support. And most importantly, remember that your worth isn’t tied to a number on a semen analysis report. You’re more than your motility, morphology, or count—you’re human. Infertility is simply a chapter in your human story, but it doesn’t define the ending.
