Many men have a complicated relationship with their mental health. Nearly 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety (MHA, 2024). Yet a 2022 survey conducted by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) revealed that just 42% of male-identifying respondents were treated for any mental health issue compared to 57% of female-identifying respondents (NIMH, 2024). Why is this? The answer lies partly in men’s reluctance to seek help – a pattern shaped by cultural norms. To understand why men often hesitate to seek help, we need to look at the cultural expectations that inform their behavior. The social narratives centered on outdated notions of masculinity can have lasting impacts on health, relationships, and work – but they’re myths we have the power to change.
Let’s explore some of the barriers men face in accessing mental health care, the impact of those barriers, and what we can do to challenge old narratives that are not in service of men’s well-being.
What makes for the frosty relationship between mental health and men?
Excuse my alliteration, but socialization and stigma steal the show. Socialization is the lifelong process through which we learn societal norms and expectations. Stigma is an outcome of this learning, and is rooted in psychological, cultural, and societal factors. Stigma discourages people from seeking help. When it comes to norms about men’s mental health, society tends to view mental health problems as something ‘unmanly,’ conflicting with traditional masculine ideals like strength, stoicism, and independence. These norms teach men to believe that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness, making it harder to seek support.
To be sure, our response to stigma is understandable. In an environment where asking for help is equated with weakness, it makes sense that many of us feel reluctant or even fearful of seeking mental health care. This reluctance, however, comes at a high cost.
What is the cost of this stigma?
Compared to women men have lower reported rates of depression. Depression is a significant risk factor for self-harm. And yet, according to a 2022 study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the suicide rate among males was approximately four times that of females (CDC, 2024). Although men account for half the population, they represent nearly 80% of suicides (CDC, 2024).
Additional impacts include issues like substance abuse and antisocial behavior being normalized as “masculine” problems, leading to obvious consequences (McKenzie et al., 2022). Men may develop a loss of hope, low self-esteem, shame, and disempowerment (McKenzie et al., 2022). Studies have shown a broad tendency to withdraw at work, at home, and in social groups for fear of burdening others or to avoid social judgment, robbing men of the benefits of connection (McKenzie et al., 2022).
At best, stigma significantly impacts our social, family, and work lives and emotional bandwidth. At worst, it comes at the striking expense of our physical safety, in many cases becoming a matter of life and death.
The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way.
What myths get in the way of seeking mental health support?
Socialization and stigma are built on ideas – nothing more, nothing less. And just like ideas, they can evolve. We’ve seen this in real-time with increasingly open dialogue about race, privilege, sexuality, and gender identity. Beliefs change because human beings – using their agency – decide they no longer serve us. We don’t have to buy into outdated narratives about what it means to be a man. These definitions, as we’ve discussed, contribute to suffering and simply aren’t serving us. So, let’s challenge these ideas by poking holes in some particularly pernicious myths.
Myth: Getting help = weakness
If you’ve ever broken a bone or had an illness, you probably sought medical help to recover. You did so to get back as quickly as possible to a social life, hobbies, a partner, family who depend on you, work, or anything else relevant to you being a human being on earth. Mental health isn’t any different. Thus seeking therapy is not about weakness but about taking care of yourself, just like any other treatment. It’s an effort toward becoming your best self – however you define that. Pursuing that is, dare I say, a strength.
Myth: I’m burdening others
The fear of burdening others is real, but it focuses too much on perceived costs of seeking help and overlooks the benefits. When unresolved mental health challenges impact our relationships, work, and well-being, seeking help becomes a responsibility – not a burden. And the truth is, most people want to support others and feel honored when they can help someone they care about. So let’s give them the chance!
Myth: Talking about it won’t help
Therapy definitely involves talking… Without conversation, therapy would feel more like an insurance-approved staring contest. And let’s be honest, nobody benefits from that. But therapy goes beyond simply talking. It provides a space to build new skills through tangible work and exercises. Through this, we‘re able to uncover what is hidden, highlighting what is holding us back and in the way. We learn about ourselves, make better sense of how we fit into the world around us, and test out new ways of being.
Myth: ‘Real men’ find the solutions by themselves
While it’s true that we have control over how we respond to adversity, going at it alone isn’t the only, or best, option. Yet, when it comes to mental health, this notion of independence seems to take on a stubborn life of its own – especially for men. If we were meant to handle every challenge alone, why would we live with families, socialize with friends, or work in teams? Humans are wired for connection and support.
Where do we go from here
Something I once learned in the corporate world: control the narrative and you control the truth. But here’s the thing – repeating an unhelpful or inaccurate belief doesn’t make it true. It’s time to challenge the idea that asking for help is a failure of independence, or that it’s only acceptable for certain challenges or genders. The idea that seeking therapy makes you weak, burdens others, or can’t help is a myth. Getting support is not a sign of weakness – it’s a step toward strength.
What isn’t a myth is this: If you avoid help, you won’t get better. So, take that step and see where it takes you. You might be surprised by the difference it makes.
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Suicide data and statistics. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html
McKenzie, S. K., Oliffe, J. L., Black, A., & Collings, S. (2022). Men’s Experiences of Mental Illness Stigma Across the Lifespan: A Scoping Review. American journal of men’s health, 16(1), 15579883221074789. https://doi.org/10.1177/15579883221074789
Mental Health America. (2024). Infographic: Men’s Mental Health. mhanational.org. https://mhanational.org/issues/infographic-mens-mental-health-5-minute-guide
National Institute of Mental Health (2024). Mental illness. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/mental-illness#part_2555
