As an AASECT-certified sex therapist, I often hear people describe themselves as ‘broken’ when they walk through my door. ‘What is wrong with me?’ is a common refrain, spoken with shame, often through tears. Therapy can feel like a last-ditch effort to “fix” yourself. I understand why you might feel that way. But let me be clear: you are not broken. The struggles that bring people to sex therapy—whether they involve sexual function, satisfaction, trauma, identity, or pain—are not signs of failure or inadequacy. They are part of the complex, ever-evolving human experience. The idea that sexual concerns make a person defective is not only untrue but harmful, preventing many from seeking the support they deserve. Let’s explore this further.
The Sexual Normalcy Myth
Part of the problem is the rigid, often unrealistic standards we impose on sexuality. Society promotes a narrow definition of what is “normal,” shaped by media, cultural expectations, family beliefs, outdated medical models, and so on. But in reality, sexual experiences and needs vary widely from person to person. Who gets to decide the “right” frequency of sex, or what kinds of sex one should have or desire? There is no single “right” way to experience intimacy, no universal measure of what a fulfilling sex life looks like. The idea of sexual normalcy is a socially constructed myth. When we compare ourselves to artificial standards, we risk feeling inadequate at best, and at worst, we disconnect from our authentic sexual selves—our needs, desires, all the unique ways of experiencing this multifaceted, incredibly diverse dimension of being human. As a sex therapist, I believe sexual struggles are best approached as an invitation to exploration, growth, and understanding.
Greeting Sexual Concerns with Self-Compassion
When you shift away from the idea of being “broken,” you also open the door to deeper self-compassion. Many concerns people bring to therapy—low libido, struggle with orgasm, erectile challenges, or mismatched desires—are often responses to stress, relational dynamics, trauma, or past conditioning. They are not signs of failure but rather reflections of your lived experience. Instead of pathologizing these experiences, we can learn to view them as opportunities to listen to our bodies and hearts, unlearn shame, and create healthier, kinder relationships with ourselves and our partners.
The Heart of Sex Therapy
Sex therapy is about exploring your relationship with sexuality, reclaiming pleasure, unlearning negative narratives and ideas that don’t serve you, and cultivating a variety of practices to enhance connection, communication, and well-being. It is a process of discovery, not a prescription for conformity. Sex therapy also looks different for every person. By reframing therapy as a journey rather than a repair job, we empower ourselves to approach our sexuality with curiosity instead of judgment.
So, if you have ever felt broken because of your sexual experiences or struggles, I invite you to reconsider. You are not defective. You are not alone. You are human, and what you are going through is worthy of care and understanding. Growth does not come from labeling ourselves as broken; it comes from embracing our full, complex, and ever-changing selves with kindness and curiosity.
Therapists at Wildflower Center for Emotional Health are here to walk alongside you if you are interested in learning more. Sex therapy is an important specialty area at our practice. We are proud to be trauma-informed, committed to antiracism and social justice advocacy, sex-positive, kink, BDSM-friendly, and welcoming to all who identify under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Reach out for a free initial consultation or start by reading our free Short Guide to Sex Therapy.
